Thursday 29th January 2018

by Siddharth Soni

Wandering inside the school campus, back from the industrious day that stipulated both excitement and fear, the situation seemed apparently healthier than the post-republic day steeple-chase. There was a changed air of exhiliration, of anticipation, of restlessness, of sit-together dinners at the secluded, yet seemingly pleasant JB’s at one site, or writing critiques about the obsolete paintings seen in a hopeless exhibition. The exams have finally ended, IP would bring no teething problems (hopefully). Doing everything operationally and craftily, I have though given a ninty percent of what I could, my mind seems to induce into me panicky and worried thoughts. Mrs. Rawat, being the principal of my school, as I heard was an obdurate personality. ‘If she is upset with you’ a friend of mine, who is also a self-taught artist told, ’she could do something that you would never dare to think.’

My senses seemed too weak, too cowardly to have asked him ‘What?’ Just observing the dimunitive phase of his stare, I haven’t yet read that small, barely noticeable element of exposure on his face. He cut in again, this time astounding me, ‘She could well ask you to reside inside the school campus, after the retests !!” And then my eyes were longing to bulge out in apprehension. Frightened parts of my body were tending, all to shatter me into small pieces (of ambiguity) and their revolutionary counterparts (perhapts the one that I use while writing poetry) told me in a satisfying sermon; that I need not be a workaholic to be succesful. I just required that domain of truthfulness, which I have developed and should believe that success is the account of our willingness to work, and attitudes towards our friends… Or if I should still be considered been left in the minimal bubble of ‘achievement’ – I am pretty adequate to have been put to work. In toil, in blood, in sweat, in struggles, and understandably – In Overemphasization. After all it is well said;

कह देंगे दावरे महशर के रूब्हरू,
की हाँ हाँ गुनाह किए है तेरी रहमत के ज़ोर पर

Now, I am caught between choosing one among the frightened component, and the revolutionary component of my thought as I rest my slouching shoulders, eventually ‘getting milder’ brain and closing the couple of exhausted eyes that have worked so charmingly, showing me the impressionistic and offensive images of getting my name stroked off DPS Guwahati.

Wishing to grasp the opportunity, and striving to investigate the old 95 percent spirit in me, I sit back and stare at the half completed pencil sketch of mine titled ‘Blank Indulgence’ (Oil version is now showing at the Jaipur Literarure Festival)


Siddharth Soni

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3 Responses to “Blank Indulgence”

  1. I think I will try to recommend this post to my friends and family, cuz it’s really helpful.

  2. Great post! I’ll subscribe right now wth my feedreader software!

  3. Ashutosh says:

    Yaar, I live in Jaipur and I am attending Jaipur Literarure Festival for so many days… Seen so many paintings but haven’t seen yours.. Is it Blank Indulgence (The baby one)… Pz give mme the ID number…


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